Driven, motivating women to be their best selves in relationships.

They say good writing good ideas take time to develop but having good friends with great minds means that you’ll get there that much quicker with help and inspiration. A typical Tuesday conversation with my good friend Kae-Toya turned into a terrific idea for a blog post. It seems as if she had been cultivating the idea of men in relationships for a while. Her main premise “men need love too”. My initial reaction was uncertain as I wanted to keep the blog focused about being driven towards educational, financial, and vocational fulfilment. Little did I realize that sometimes the driving force behind these desires may be a spouse/lover/girlfriend/boyfriend etc.

We then decided to collaborate on this spicy topic of love interests from a masculine and a feminine perspective.

So here goes: Driven, motivating women to be their best selves in relationships.

Kae-Toya started off by mentioning that men need love too. As a man I embrace this statement and wish that more women would see us men on the other side of the coin trying desperately to be all things to our better halves. Needless to say that we are at times not catered to as we cater to women’s. As my co-writer so aptly added “women should send a man flowers, rub his feet, cook his favourite meal and buy him boxers just because its Tuesday”. The look of “oh yeah” was plastered helplessly across my face as I though that should any women would do these things for me I would run off the auction block so fast that the ground would shake uncontrollably. She out did herself by adding the special occasion sex for no other reason than its Wednesday and got me to thinking.

Men are by nature predators/hunters we size women up weigh the pros and cons and after all is said and done we charge in head first. Some might be overzealous at the sight of some “chrome skin” while others might be intrigued by the mystery that is her character (raises hand in guilt). Others still might just enjoy the thrill of the chase and the conquest but let’s not dwell on that.

Our focus is on women and how they can be driven to be their best selves in relationships. Allot is expected of men being the patriarchal figure in society. We hunt (work) and gather (get paid) all to our benefit and also to the women in our lives. All we (I) ask in return is for some consideration (and by this I mean pampering) on our behalves. What self respecting man would not enjoy his wife sending him flowers, chocolate and a teddy bear at work for his birthday or valentines or just because. It might appear a bit fruity to the other guys but bet your bottom dollar they will all go home and tell their women what Shawn’s woman/wife did for him and how they too should step up to the plate. In speaking of holidays despite the fact that men only get fathers day and birthdays to feel special everything else is commercialised around getting gifts for women. A fact that they never let us forget. Try coming home empty handed on valentines and see what happens (dog house). Yet very few men receive gifts on this day. If it is indeed a day of love lets share it both ways. And when you do, don’t get him socks or a tie or a watch. Get him some handcuffs, leather jacket, something exciting, maybe motor bike lessons perhaps but make him know that you care about him as much as he cares to buy you another tennis bracelet or diamond earrings.

Now its not a given that women should cook all the time but if you do majority of the cooking it would be nice to see you in the kitchen in heels and a nice dress preparing something sexy like pasta primavera or a chocolate soufflé with a table set for one cause you plan to sit on his lap and feed him dinner/desert wearing nothing but the said heels. Think its too much, ok fine. See how much it is when he loses interests in extra curricular activities because he is all tapped out of ideas and suggestions and you’re on the living room floor with your girlfriends, drinking his wine, questioning his fidelity. Mind you that if he leaves it would be because the other women would have gone the extra mile to entice said man because she knows that he is a good catch and she would have caught you falling asleep at the wheel. Thus the cycle would continue. So why not break the cycle, be motivated towards your mate. Make him/her feel like the first lady/commander in chief. Don’t treat him like the gardener and expect presidential suite service.

It was refreshing to hear this coming from a woman’s perspective but I had to ask myself as to how many women out there have done something spontaneous for their man whether in the bedroom or not (please no hand raising necessary). It might be the masses or it might be a few. Is society to blame by showing images of women always receiving grandiose gifts and exotic treatment while a man gets another tie? Maybe so but buying into television reality is not prescribed. Truth be told most men (I) are willing to jump through hoops of fire in a lions den with a Chinese assassin hurling 8 point stars at us to get the women they want (unintellectuals need not apply) all we ask is that when the rubber hits the road that women make it worth our while. Truth be told as responsible men we expect to put out for dates, movies, late night runs to honey cutter, hitch hiking to come and see you, meeting the family etc. It is our duty to say the least. We need some encouragement though besides the obvious. We need back as much as we put out. There is no use being an alpha male without a she male that is willing not only to fend off all other she males but one who grooms your coat and chips in with the hunting and gathering from time to time.

I would pay to see the man who doesn’t want to have a woman he can not only count on to be there come what may but one who knows he is worthy of her love and effort regardless of time of day or occasion.

The critics will say “what of the men who don’t man up and meet even the basic of expectations”? They are out there. Separating the men from the boys is as hard as separating the women from the girls but it can be done.

Settling for less than what you deserve is deserving what you settle for.

P.S. a little compromise goes a long way.

Written by Kae-Toya Lee-Bramble and Shawn Maile.